1. Remember that opposites do not attract
Of course, you can have different hobbies and views, but exactly as long as they do not invade the territory of the key ideological positions of the partner. The joint life of a supporter of patriarchal views and a feminist, a monarchist and a liberal, and even fans of Spartak and CSKA is unlikely to be cloudless. In key issues, you should look, according to the precepts of Exupery, in one direction.
2. Make rules
Agreements are not about limiting someone’s freedom, they are about trying to work out a common language that your couple speaks. Your partner’s views on the distribution of responsibilities, financial issues, the possibility of sex on the side , joint and separate rest, and even on who goes first in the shower in the morning can be radically different from yours. You don’t have to wait for a big fight to find out what he thinks about it. Set rules ahead of time and follow them.
3. Hear someone else’s “no”
There is no need to do “as best” if the partner clearly expressed his disagreement with something. “No” does not mean “maybe” or “yes, but I want to be persuaded.”
4. Do not tolerate a partner who does unpleasant things to teach you a lesson.
Taking the position of a teacher, a person ceases to be an equal partner and begins to act from the point of view of a higher level, a subject who is allowed more. What’s next? Will he give you grades and dismiss you for academic failure? Someone who intentionally makes you feel guilty is not good for a relationship.
5. Don’t try to be tricky
You’ve probably heard the advice from the series: “Be smarter, keep quiet and do it your way”, “Just do it, then she will understand that it is better this way.” These are all gimmicks and manipulations that harm relationships. If you cannot openly agree and continue to do what is unacceptable for your half, it is worth either reconsidering your position, or changing your partner.
6. Do not demand telepathic abilities from your partner.
Nature gave a person a speech apparatus, use it for its intended purpose. Tell your partner what you like and dislike, what you expect, what actions upset you. And you certainly should not blame the person for not knowing what you are offended at.
7. Solve problems without involving a third party
No need to run for advice from parents, friends or anonymous users on the forum. You always know better what is happening in the relationship, since it is you who know all the circumstances of the conflict.
Let’s say you still turned to your mother for support and she agreed that your partner is wrong and generally a bad person. Only you will make peace with the offender later, but for your mother (friend, the whole Internet) he will remain a scoundrel.
8. Take out dirty linen in public
At first glance, this advice contradicts the previous one, but it is not. If you realize that you are not dealing with problems as a couple, it is worth asking for help. A psychologist will help to cope with suddenly emerging different views on life. In the event of mental or physical abuse, seek help wherever possible: from friends, in special centers, in the police. Not everyone has the resource to get out of the situation of abuse on their own .
9. Don’t compare your relationship with stories from books and movies.
Stop trying to repeat a love story from your favorite movie, book, and even more so a fairy tale. You are not Cinderella and the Prince, not Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet (or Bridget Jones), not Tony Stark and Pepper Potts, your relationship is developing differently, and that’s okay.
And then, before plunging into the vanilla abyss called “happily ever after”, the characters go through a series of difficulties, because the conflict is the engine of the plot. Create your own “happily ever after” without serial wisdom and without looking at the fantasies of screenwriters and writers.
10. Move at your own pace
Even if all your friends got married a year after they met, two years later they had a baby, five years later they bought a house in the suburbs suitable for a large family, it is not necessary to try to cram your relationship into a similar scenario. Each pair moves at a different pace, just keep sticking to it.
11. Don’t ignore alarms
In most relationships, there is a presentation period when both partners try to appear better than they really are. And if already at the candy-bouquet stage you see danger signals, do not ignore them, trust your intuition.
Unreasonable bursts of aggression, rudeness towards waiters, unflattering statements about exes and other things that bother you can be easily attributed to “it seemed” and “he / she will correct”. Most likely, it didn’t seem to you and your partner will not improve. Think carefully if you are ready to face such negative manifestations on a regular basis.
12. Check if relationships make life easier.
If your love story is all about difficulties, coping, quarrels, and rare but intense bouts of happiness, then this is an unhealthy relationship . People quickly get used to the emotional swing, when despair and excitement alternate, and can consider themselves quite happy with it.
But answer yourself honestly: Does your partner make your life easier or complicate it? Do you feel happy more often than unhappy? Do not wait until the “Titanic” of your love sinks, get into the boat. Otherwise, you may not have enough space on the escape door.
13. Give each other personal space
Not everything that people come into a relationship with becomes common. Reserve the right to conduct private correspondence, have personal savings that you spend on things you need only, and engage in your favorite hobby. And most importantly, your partner can do all this too. Just accept it.
14. Don’t chase the ghosts of your ex.
If you did not meet in kindergarten, your partner most likely already had a relationship. Just leave them in the past, you don’t have to constantly compare yourself with your ex, check their pages on social networks and count how many likes they give to your half.
By the way, you probably also had a relationship. And forget about them too. It’s very easy to start idealizing the person with whom you have a romantic relationship. But think: if the ex was great, it wouldn’t be the ex.
15. Do not consider jealousy as an indicator of high feelings.
The requirement to stop communicating with all persons of the opposite sex, ambiguous reactions to every glance towards an attractive person, attempts to control correspondence do not indicate great love and fear of losing a partner. This is a way of control and the same alarm that should not be ignored.
16. Talk about love
Have you confessed your feelings to your partner once and think that this is enough? Don’t take the person next to you for granted; be grateful that he chose you. Remind that you love, compliment. It is a simple and free token of appreciation.