How to Identify the 5 Love Languages and Use Them to Improve Your Relationship

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the best-selling book “His Secret Obsession” believes that relationships have a better chance of growing if we understand each other. He suggests that everyone gives and receives love differently, so we need to know our partner in order to give them the right kind of love, and the love they deserve. According to him, love languages might differ between people, but they are easy to learn and will help us have more meaningful and loving relationships.

1. Words of affirmation

People whose love language is words of affirmation value verbal connection, no matter if it’s spoken or written. It could be words that express affection, compliments, appreciation, encouragement, or something as simple as, “I love you.” Dr. Michelle Rosser-Majors, associate professor at the University of Arizona Global Campus, explains that positive affirmations bring us more than just a good feeling. According to her, people aspire to feel valued, appreciated, and competent, so positive words that make us feel this way can build healthy and strong relationships.

2. Acts of service

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, an act of service is doing something for your spouse that you know they’d like for you to do. It could be anything, it could be receiving help about something very important to us or our significant other, like simply watering our plants for us. Dr. Rosser-Majors explains that true leaders serve others before themselves and that these selfless acts inspire people and strengthen bonds.

3. Quality time

According to Dr. Chapman, this love language is all about quality over quantity. Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention, but not sitting and watching Netflix together. It should be just you and your partner talking, no TVs, no phones, no other distractions. People feel good if they know that they’re the only thing on your agenda. Dr. Chapman also notes that it’s important to express this love language in your non-romantic relationships too.

4. Physical touch

Physical touch could be something as simple as a high-five or sharing an intimate kiss with your partner and holding their hand. Touching is the first way of communication we learn when we’re born, and it is crucial for our development as we grow up. People whose love language is physical touch may struggle a lot more when they’re unable to do it. That is why something as simple as sending them hugs and telling them that you wish you could do it in person could cause their brain to produce endorphins, the same way it would if the hug was real.

5. Gifts

Giving gifts is the most simple love language. They don’t always have to be expensive ones or big ones. It could be something as little as going for groceries and buying your roommate’s favorite chocolate or cereal, it could also be sending a family member who lives away from a framed picture of the family, or the pets. The thought, the choosing of the gift, and giving the gift will give the person a feeling of affection. And it’s not only that but there are also positive psychological benefits to giving gifts and not just receiving them.

What is the most unforgettable thing your partner has done for you?

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